It is Sunday evening, and I am already preparing myself mentally for the days to come. In these moments, I always think and sometimes overthink. So, I felt the need to be absolutely honest once again (I mean, that’s the whole point of my blog, hehe). I am a complete homebody, aggressively so. The type who actually loses track of the weather and who considers a trip to the Lidl like a full-blown adventure, albeit a boring one, which starts with a pep talk before I even step a foot outside my door, and ends with a snack, a little anime binge, and if I feel crazy, an hour nap as a well-earned reward.

And lately I have been doing some self-reflection (again), wondering why I’m like this. And truthfully, it is because your girl is tired. There is always way too much noise, too much going on, and of course, people always wanting to know what I’ve been up to. As if they expect a busy, social answer. Because hey, why aren’t you out living your best living-la-vida-loca life? It is the weekend, love.

Since I am in my rediscovery era, I’ve noticed that my mental health really depends on recharging. And I am almost embarrassed to admit, but sometimes I feel like my couch has emotionally adopted me. But I need that, need the stillness in this constantly busy world. However, I also think this need for peace and quiet has grown due to the increasing pressure to show society that you are living a full life. Thanks to social media (and yes, I sound like a boomer), it feels like you constantly have to perform your joy just to make it real.

And I don’t want to be this person who blames it all on social media, although it is standing front and center when it comes to topics like this. It is also society creating expectations, a template if you will, for what a “good life” is supposed to look like, and we feeble-minded people are eating it up (no shade, babes). There is this quiet, yet constant pressure to keep changing, manifesting, glowing, thriving, elevating, you name it. Love this fo us, but sometimes it feels like we are trying to curate this perfect, socially acceptable life to appease others. But how much is just borrowed light we’re pretending to shine?

Being critical of myself, I’ve come to realize that I am Boo Boo the fool. Because a lot of the pressure I put on myself comes from the constant comparing my life to everyone elses, scrolling through highlight reels and instagram posts. And honestly? It is exhausting. Some days, getting out of bed, making myself coffee like the budget barista I am, and going on walks feel like an accomplishment, and that’s enough.

Life is unique; it doesn’t come with this magical, one-size-fits-all roadmap to happiness, and that is okay. Taking a moment to check in with myself and asking, What do I really want? has been very valuable to me. I am learning to embrace my own pace. And yes, it can be messy, ordinary, but it is entirely mine.

And to end this post with a quote from Tricia Hersey, “Rest is resistance because it is a counter-narrative to the lie that we are only worthy when we are productive.”

Until next time, everyone.

With love,

The Awkward black girl.